Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
