So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
