____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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