Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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