It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
