So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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