My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
