UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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