I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
