I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Randomize
