would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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