He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
