I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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