Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Randomize
