i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
the condom got lost in my hair
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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