ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
