it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
