im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
