yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
