I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Randomize
