I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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