My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
