just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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