Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
