It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
