Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
