Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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