god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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