Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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