im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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