I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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