"it" just moved
I am midnight drunk by noon
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
