I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
