I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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