My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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