I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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