I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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