Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
