Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
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