apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
