Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
