i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Too much gin, very little bucket
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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