upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
