I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
