I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
