Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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