help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
