I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
