this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Randomize
