we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
