The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
