Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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