I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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